Chavtastic!

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Chavtastic!

by loiswakeman @ 13 Jun. 2007 – 08:25:54

"Essex single mum Chvonne is marrying hopeless romantic Darren. When they first met there was just one small snag - Chvonne was about to marry someone else. Even though this is her second time around, Chvonne wants a proper white wedding, with all the trimmings. Money's tight, so this bargain-hunter turns to eBay to create her dream. But with a large and complicated family, chaos is looming." - BBC Three listing for Wedding Stories.

It should be made compulsory for parents to read a dictionary of baby names before being allowed to register the birth. Otherwise, their offspring may be saddled with a hopelessly illiterate moniker.

I presume Chvonne (should there be an "a" in there somewhere?) is an attempt at the Irish Siobhan, made without reference to actually reading anything. I have seen "Shivaun" before - but "Chvonne"? Give me strength.

See also: Chav

P.S. I have two radio phone handsets - they are called Wayne and Darren!
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14 Comments to Chavtastic!

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- RidgewayBlogger
- 13 Jun. 2007 @ 13:51:24
"...Chvonne wants a proper white wedding, with all the trimmings."

So, that'd be Burberry plaid edging on everything, then? Or have I misunderstood the word "trimming"? Mind, I'm surprised that she wants a white wedding, there must be somewhere in Essex that stocks Burberry wedding dresses...

RB (who, despite being named Tracey in real life, does not come from Essex, owns not a single piece of Burberry anything and is proud to have the appropriate number of vowels in her name...)
- - loiswakeman
  - http://lois.co.uk
  - 13 Jun. 2007 @ 14:34:11
  I have to admit to being born in Essex, though I moved west when I was eight. I never had the urge to dance round my handbag or wear white stilettos, thank goodness.
  
  I'd love to be a fly on the wall at this wedding: sounds like a real occasion for snorts of hilarity!
  - - (Visitor)
    - 15 Jun. 2007 @ 11:13:58
    I have danced round my handbag but have never worn white stilettos. Indeed have never worn stilettos white or otherwise.
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- LissaT ^Pro
- 13 Jun. 2007 @ 22:20:23
I believe that giving the baby a unique name is highly prized in some circles even if it means choosing something seriously silly or taking a proper name and spelling it wrong.

A former pupil (whose own daughter is called Mary Elizabeth - Molly for short) told me about one young woman she knew who had heard her mention my somewhat unusual name, had liked it, but had chosen to adapt it for her daughter from Clarissa to Clarressa.

I have known both a Sean and a Sian (correctly accented - I just can't do it on this programme) who threatened to change their names to Shaun and Sharn just to get them pronounced correctly by their teachers.

We have school groups coming to the museum from a wide area and I notice a marked difference between the children's names in town and country schools - the more urban, the less traditional the choice of names and the wilder the spelling. On the other hand I once complimented a small country school on the choice of names for the Victorian School workshop, and was informed that they were the children's own names - as well as the standard Jameses and Jacks there were two Freds, Robert, Charles, William, Henry, Harry, John, Jacob and Levi, while the girls were Florence, Charlotte, Emma, Marianne, Emily, Mary and Margaret among others. I was so impressed that I kept the list for quite a while although I have lost it now.
- - loiswakeman
  - http://lois.co.uk
  - 14 Jun. 2007 @ 10:54:17
  When I did a school calender for our village school with all the children's birthdays marked, I felt very sorry for one little girl called "Stealth" - after the bomber perhaps?
  
  I was also surprised by how many patrician-sounding double-barrelled names there were, compared to all the plain Smiths, Joneses, and Browns on my school register. The penny dropped eventually - they weren't aristos, but the kids of unmarried parents who took both family names.
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- govindan
- 14 Jun. 2007 @ 07:07:55
The offspring can always change the name when she/ he comes of age and prove to be more imaginative than their parents. Or can be content in the comforting thought " what's in a name?"
- - (Visitor)
  - 15 Jun. 2007 @ 11:12:44
  Your name can tell others a good deal about you and your background. My generation (late 1950's and early 1960's were all Susans, Janets and Andreas, Philips and Davids with a few Lindas, Alisons and Roberts thrown in. Even if you change your name vis deed poll your birth name cannot be changed (except in very rare circumsatnces) on your birth certificate.
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- gelöschter User (Visitor)
- 14 Jun. 2007 @ 10:17:33
I read about a Shampane the other day. Awfulness.

And I am ashamed to admit that my nephew's middle name is Nico. At least it's not his first name, eh?
- - loiswakeman
  - http://lois.co.uk
  - 15 Jun. 2007 @ 10:55:23
  That must be Shardonnay's little sister? And her brother Grenake - as I heard someone reading off a wine label in the supermarket a few weeks ago!
  
  (Which vinous paragraph reminds me of the late Margaux Hemingway - so not only Chavs do it.)
  
  Nico isn't so bad - at least it's a diminutive of a real name :-)
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- LissaT ^Pro
- 14 Jun. 2007 @ 13:18:00
My feeling about names is that a child needs at least one name which is a classic, timeless, plain name. Leaving asside Ian, Neil, Keith etc. which don't lend themselves to shortening, the fullest correct version of any name should be used on the birth certificate even if the child is going through life as Jo, Sam, Billy, Katie, Mimi etc. there is always the full name which will sound good prefixed with Dr., Professor, Sir, Dame etc. or just look good on a grownn-up name badge in an office.
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- (Visitor)
- 15 Jun. 2007 @ 11:23:41
God bless the lower orders I say! Who would we mock without them? Let's face it, they are a source of endless amusement and allow the rest of us to feel infinitely superior and at least they don't bleat about being made fun of in that annoying 'you're insulting me and my kind' type of politically correct way and threatening to blow us all up or take us to court for infringement of their human rights.

What I find more unsettling than the silly names the chavs bestow upon their hapless offspring is that Mohammed (in various forms) is now the second most popular boy's name in the UK. But that's a great big can of juicy worms that it may be judicious not to open.
- - loiswakeman
  - http://lois.co.uk
  - 15 Jun. 2007 @ 11:33:08
  You are a woman after my own heart!
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- (Visitor)
- 15 Jun. 2007 @ 11:57:55
Actually I may open it on my blog one day whilst exercising the utmost caution of course - bullet proof vest, armoured car and police escort. Should get a reaction. Perhaps I will be 'fatwahed'.
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- LissaT ^Pro
- 15 Jun. 2007 @ 17:12:53
Could it be less a matter of there being a huge number of Mohammeds as the huge number of names and variants used by everybody else? As I recall, this same list counted for example Jacob/Jake and Thomas/Tom as different names, but Mohammed, Mohomet, Mohamad etc. always as the same name.

On a slightly different tack, at school almost my entire circle were Something Mary, but we haven't started any sort of holy war based on being named for the mother of Jesus (actually most of us were named for our mothers with no religious intent at all). If you can give your child a good name and name him/her after grandma or grandpa at the same time, then so much the better. I say good for those people who want to follow tradition
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